


We're Forbidden

by Jemilla



Series: Historical Lams [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Bottom Alexander Hamilton, Bottom John Laurens, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler Deserves Better, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gay John Laurens, Hercules Mulligan is a Good Friend, Historical, Human Disaster Alexander Hamilton, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry Lin-Manuel Miranda, M/M, POV Alternating, POV First Person, Period-Typical Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 9,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26166988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jemilla/pseuds/Jemilla
Summary: Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens are in love during the American Revolution, when their love could get them killed.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Series: Historical Lams [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2047598
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer/Summary - I do not own Hamilton and some details are not historically accurate. Philip isn't born yet, John doesn't die, and some other details may not be the same.
> 
> Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens are in love during the American Revolution when their love could get them killed.

Alex's POV

I guess you can say that I have been through a lot during the nineteen years I've already been on this earth. I saw the destruction of my home, the death of my dear mother, and many other terrible things.

So I did the only thing I could do. I wanted a place to start anew, wipe the slate clean, become a different person.

I found myself in no place other than America. Talking to none other than a strange man named Aaron Burr.

" Talk less, smile more," he stated, his facial expression grim. I rolled my eyes. I had asked where the nearest pub was located, I desperately needed a drink. I had to get my mind off some things.

" Thank you for your time," I half-heartedly thanked the man. I guess I'm doing this myself. I turned around and stared down the street. People were walking here and there, going about their busy day, minding their own business.

Who should I ask for directions now? I glanced to my left and saw a young man around my age leaning against a wall, all alone. After a moment of contemplation, I decided to walk over.

When I did, he smiled kindly then stepped forward to greet me. " Hello, my name is Alexander Hamilton, do you have a second?" I asked politely.

" Yeah sure," he replied, casually reaching behind his head to fluff up his hair. I nodded and explained my dilemma. Suddenly he gasped and exclaimed, " Fortunately for you, my friend, I'm headed to the bar at this very moment. Would you care to join me?"

I thought for a minute. I hardly know this man, but how else am I going to get drunk?

" Sure, is anyone else going to be there?" I asked him. He shrugged. " Just a couple of friends." I nodded.

As we started to walk, he introduced himself as John Laurens. I found myself being quite drawn to John, he's very easy to talk to. I told him everything that had happened to me in the past weeks, arriving in America, traveling here, and much much more.

I think I may have even finally found a friend.


	2. Raise a Glass to Freedom

Alex's POV

When we arrived, Laurens quickly introduced me to his friends, Lafayette and Hercules Mulligan. They all seemed very nice and took a liking to me. Only ten minutes later and we were all singing and dancing, happily drunk.

My arm was around Laurens while Lafayette stood on the table, singing.

" Raise a glass to the revolution!" He called. Hercules and I cheered, John drunkenly giggling. Suddenly, he leaped away from me and up onto the table, pushing Laf to the side.

" Raise a glass to freedom!" He sang, swaying back and forth. For a second I was worried he was about to fall over, but John caught himself just in time.

" Raise a glass to the four of us," I announced, joining in.

" Tomorrow they'll be more of us!" The four of us yelled. John jumped back down and grabbed my arm, pulling me up to the table. I climbed up and started to lead the others on.

" I may not live to see our glory! But I will gladly join the fight!"

Together we all sang and raised our glasses high.

" Let's have another round tonight!"


	3. I Am More Than Willing to Die

Alex's POV

After that night of drunken celebration, John and I stayed in touch, slowly becoming good friends. I had been planning on joining the fight for freedom since I arrived, so when they began recruiting, it was no shock that I was one of the first to join.

John decided to fight alongside me, which eased my stress a bit. It made me feel better knowing I had a friend by my side.

I was very aware that this could be how I die. And I was okay with that. I knew the risk. I was determined to rise up somehow. If I was to be remembered for something, if I was going down, this is how I want it to happen.


	4. Watch the Blood and the Shit Spray

Alex's POV

The sound of gunshots filled the air as we ran through the trees, ducking every chance we can for cover. We were called into battle with no warning, and I was still tired from being woken so early.

John was beside me, gripping his pistol so tightly his knuckles were turning white. He was just as terrified as I was. Suddenly, a sound louder than one I had ever witnessed exploded behind us, knocking me off my feet and flying several feet forward.

Screams filled my ears as everything went black. A few moments later I had regained my sight and quickly leaped back up. I spun around, searching everywhere for John.

To my horror, he was nowhere to be found. I felt like breaking down and crying, but I knew if I stopped moving for even a second, I would be dead.

So I ran on, shooting who I could, trying to get back to shelter. But the whole time there was one terrifying thought that just wouldn't leave my mind: What if Laurens is dead?


	5. In the Eye of the Hurricane

John's POV

After the bomb exploded, I was thrown forward and knocked unconscious. I have no idea how long I was out for, only that by the time I woke up it was dark and the sky was filled with what looked to be a million beautiful stars.

It had completely destroyed everything as far as I could see. Dust, blood, and several other unidentifiable things were scattered all around me. I flinched in disgust.

Just then, I heard a noise coming from the woods behind me. I turned just in time to hear a male voice calling my name. When he got closer, I could just see him through the trees.

" Alexander!" I yelled out to him. A second later he turned and saw me. A huge smile of relief spread across his pale face as he came running.

He stopped in front of me panting. " I thought you were dead," he whispered. That was when I saw the tears in his eyes. I felt terrible for scaring him even though it wasn't my fault.

So I reached over and gave Alex a long hug.

" Do you want to get out of here," I asked hopefully. He nodded.

So together we walked through the woods, simply taking in the silence of the forest at night. Through the trees, if you looked up, you could just make out the glow of the stars.

Soon we came across a nice field with red and green flowers growing everywhere. It was absolutely gorgeous and I was in awe. It was a great change from what I had just witnessed earlier.

Alex grabbed my hand and led me over to a tree towards the end of the field. We both sat down together with our backs against it, staring up at the stars, and taking in the beauty of tonight.

I placed my hands behind my head and sighed. Alex glanced over at me.

" You okay?" He asked kindly.

" Yeah. Just thinking. Today's been crazy, you know?"

He nodded in agreement. " Do you think we'll die, Laurens?"

I shrugged. " Maybe," I replied honestly. Then I giggled. " Since when did you start calling me Laurens?"

Alex blushed. " I just like the way it sounds," he said, looking down at the ground. I smiled and tossed an arm around his shoulders.

" I like it."

" Great, because I was going to keep calling you that anyways."

I laughed as I side hugged Alex. You know what, maybe we can both make it through this alive. I hope so at least.


	6. An Invitation

John's POV

By the time that Alex and I got home last night, it was almost dawn, and we were exhausted. I had collapsed in bed and slept until around late afternoon. I had been waiting for today for weeks now and so had many of my friends.

The Schuyler sisters were hosting a party at their mansion later tonight. Lafayette, Hercules, and I were all planning to attend, but I wanted to ask Alex to join us too.

So instead of just rolling over and going back to sleep, I climbed out of bed and got dressed quickly. Before I knew it, I was finished with everything I needed to do and began the brief walk to the building where Alexander was staying.

I'm actually very close with the sisters, especially the youngest of the three whose name is Peggy. She's a bit over the top, but fun to be around.

By then, I had reached Alex's home and knocked twice on the door, before stepping back.

Seconds later and the door opened to reveal Alex standing there, with bags under his eyes. He probably stayed up after we got back writing.

" Hey, John. Do you need anything?"

I shuffled my feet nervously before answering. " I was wondering if you wanted to join my friends and I at a party being held at the Schuylers' house."

I practically see the wheels churning in his brain as I wait for his answer.

Finally, he said, " Okay, I'll go. What time should I get there?"

" Around dusk."

" Sounds good."

Alexander flashed me a grateful smile before stepping back inside and saying a quiet goodbye.


	7. Jealousy

Alex's POV

I arrived at the Schuylers' house precisely at dusk, following John's instructions. I knocked loudly on the door and jumped back in surprise when it was immediately flung open. Standing in front of me was a girl looking to be around my age, wearing a blue silk dress. She smiled warmly at me and I found myself getting a bit caught up in her dark brownish black eyes.

Then I realized that I was just staring awkwardly at her, so I tried to introduce myself without stumbling over my words.

"Um, my name is Alexander Hamilton, but you can just call me Alex," I mumbled. She nodded and held out her hand for me to shake.

"Eliza Schuyler," she told me. Eliza opened the door a little more so I could step inside. When I stepped into the building, I was in awe of the amount of space there was. A few feet in front of me was a vast dance floor, and off to the side there was a snack table. Which was the same place where I found John waiting on me.

I grinned and nodded in thanks to Eliza, before making my way over to his side. I surprised him by tapping him on the shoulder when John was facing the other way. He leapt up into the air in shock, causing me to laugh uncontrollably.

"I hope I didn't keep you waiting long," I said when I had finally controlled my laughter. John shook his head.

"I just got here myself," my curly haired friend informed me. I grabbed some water off of the table and tapped John to let him know I would move and lean against the wall behind us. He nodded and decided to accompany me.

As we watched the cheerful couples twirling on the dance floor, I felt a sense of emptiness fill my chest. I tilted my head in confusion. What did I have to be sad about? I had a brilliant friend group, and a new purpose in life.

I glanced over at John and saw that he too had a thoughtful expression on his face. I wonder what he's thinking about....

John's POV

As Alex and I stood waiting for our friends, I couldn't help but stare at him from the corner of my eye. His hair was pulled up into a loose ponytail, and he was wearing all white with a golden brown jacket.

"John, Alexander! Over here!" a french voice called from towards the entrance. I jerked my head to the side and saw Hercules and Lafayette standing there next to the door.

Herc was waving wildly for us to join them. I turned to tell Alex, but he was already looking at me when I did. Together the two of us started to make our way over to our friends, but suddenly I heard a female voice call Alexander's name.

I stopped in my tracks and heard Alex do the same. We both looked up and saw none other than Eliza standing there, blushing.

"Yes?" Alex asked politely. Eliza giggled before summoning the courage to ask, "Alex, would you like to dance with me?"

Alex looked shocked, and he turned to me to see my reaction. Then he turned back to Eliza and simply replied with, "Sure."

As the two walked away together, I felt a strange feeling stirring in my chest. I was mad at... Eliza? But why would I be mad? I should be happy for Alex. He did just get asked to dance with one of the richest women in all of New York City.

I pondered over this unfamiliar feeling as I walked over to my friends and then continued to think about it as we all watched Alex and Eliza dance. Suddenly I had thought that completely shocked me.

I'm jealous.


	8. May I Have This Dance?

Alex's POV

I carefully placed my hand on Eliza's hip and one on her shoulder, as she wrapped her arms around my neck. Together the two of us started slowly swaying to the music. Truth be told, I have no idea how to dance. I've never tried. However, I could tell that Eliza must have practiced because she was moving as if she had done this a million times before.

Maybe it was a bit strange for me to be dancing with a complete stranger, I mean, I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for John. Wait. Now that I think about it, where is John?

I quickly scanned the room, trying not to move my head too much. I didn't want Eliza to think I was nervous or anything like that. I care a lot for first impressions.

As I looked around, John was nowhere to be seen. Would he just leave without even telling me? That doesn't sound like him. It didn't take long for me to start getting worried. What if something terrible was happening to him, and I wasn't there to help?

I sighed and then slowly brought my dancing to a halt. I had to make sure Laurens was okay. Oh right, Eliza's still here.

I placed my hand on hers. "I am truly sorry, but I have some business to attend to." Eliza gave me an understanding nod, and with that, I turned and ran across the ballroom, heading for the door.

I threw the door open and ran out into the street in search of John. I couldn't see him from where I was standing, so I walked forward a few paces and then climbed on top of a few milk crates for a higher vantage point.

That was when I finally found him. John was sitting on the ground with his head against the stone wall behind him. Why wasn't he celebrating with the rest of us?

I thought about whether or not I should approach him. He obviously left for a reason, but maybe he would like a little company?

I hope so because before I could stop myself, I walked over to him and sat down beside John.

" Hey," I said softly. He didn't answer. " What's wrong, John? Are you okay?"

Finally, John shrugged and said, " I just... never mind, it's stupid."

I shook my head. " I'm sure it isn't. You can always tell me what you're thinking, Laurens."

" Well, you seemed to get along so well with Eliza, Herc and Laf, I was just worried that we won't be as close anymore."

I felt my mouth drop open. John actually thought that he was being replaced? I slid closer to him, so our bodies were pretty much pressed up against each other's and placed an arm around his shoulders.

" John, I could never replace you. You're my best and closest friend and nothing will ever change that," I told him.

He still looked unconvinced. " Are you sure?" John asked, his voice shaking a bit. I leaned over, buried my face into his neck, and whispered, " One hundred percent."


	9. I Am So Into You

John's POV

After Alex and I had our little chat, he excused himself, saying that he had writing to do. It's honestly amazing how much that man writes, almost unnatural.

As I began the rather long home, I found myself having a while to think. I ran a hand through my curly hair as I turned my head up to the sky. I love to watch the stars in my free time. It calms me. 

I kicked a stray pebble in my path as I walked, thinking about everything that had changed since just last year. Now I had actual friends, and I'm fighting for something important.

It wasn't much of a shock when my mind wandered to Alexander. He's really something, isn't he? 

His hair is gorgeous, especially when he lets it down from that high ponytail it's always up in. How I would just love to run my hands through it...

I sighed. And the way Alex talks when he's passionate about something. It's truly a sight to see. He gets this look in his eyes and his whole face lights up. I could just sit and watch him for hours.

Suddenly I reached up and slapped myself lightly on the forehead. I can't be thinking about things like this! We're both men!

I could be killed for just voicing these thoughts out loud. But no matter what I did, there was just no denying it any longer.

I have feelings for Alex. And not just friend feelings, "I want to kiss you and fall asleep next to you" kind of feelings.

I'm in love with Alexander Hamilton.


	10. Laurens is in South Carolina

Alex's POV

I had been dreading this day for weeks, ever since John told me he would be leaving for South Carolina this weekend, I've been thinking about what it would be like to be all alone for a while again. I had just gotten used to the feeling of having friends, people I could talk to whenever I needed, and now my closest one is leaving. John promises that he'll be back before the month ends, but I still believe that's far too long.

I climbed out of bed this morning with a frown already plastered across my face. John and I had arranged to meet at a restaurant downtown, and I didn't want to disappoint him by being late.

I threw on some clothes, pulled my hair back, and put on my shoes. By the time I was leaving, the sun was already directly overhead in the sky above me. I had gotten home late last night, then stayed up even longer to work on my writing, so I thought I deserved to sleep in a bit.

It didn't take me long to travel downtown, my house was conveniently located only a few streets away. I smiled upon seeing John standing in front of my favorite restaurant waiting for me, and quickly hurried over to him.

" Why is it always you waiting for me instead of the other way around?" I asked as we both walked up to the building and opened the door.

John shrugged. " I guess I'm just less busy," he replied. I nodded in agreement. I do work a lot more than the average person.

We got our food and sat down to eat towards the back of the restaurant, then began talking.

" But Laurens, why do you have to go?" I whined. " I'll be so lonely without you."

John laughed at my childishness and I held back a smile. He has such a pretty laugh. And pretty eyes too...

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of John's voice answering my question.

" I have to go because my father has fallen ill and there is no one else there to help take care of him," John told me, a hint of sadness on his freckled face.

I reached across the table and placed my hand on his shoulder, looking him in the eyes.

" John, you know I don't really mean that I want you to stay here and let your father suffer, right?" I said nervously.

John giggled. " Of course I know that, Alex."

I sighed in relief. " Thank goodness because that would make me seem like a terrible friend," I told him.

At the word friend, John winced slightly and I was about to ask him what was wrong when he suddenly stood up. A look of panic filled his face as he glanced down at me and said, " I completely forgot when I was supposed to leave, I'm going to miss my train!"

I stood up too and quickly gave him a warm hug before patting him on the back and

saying, " I guess you'll have to run."

John nodded, gave me a smile, and then turned on his right foot and ran for the door.

" Good luck!" I shouted from behind him. When John was out of sight, I turned to sit back and noticed that everyone in the restaurant was staring at me.

I laughed nervously. " Sorry, everyone." Then I sat down to finish eating my lunch.


	11. I Saved Every Letter You Wrote Me

John's POV

I was only in South Carolina for a few days before I began receiving letters from none other than Alexander Hamilton. I was sitting at my desk, reading through the letters he last sent, while waiting for the newest one to arrive later on this week.

Dear John Laurens,

My dearest Laurens, it pleases me greatly to inform you that there has been no further violence here since the day you departed. I mustn't write for long, however, because I have arranged for a date with Miss Eliza Schuyler. She is really a remarkable woman and I want to thank you greatly for introducing me. I hope that all is well for you back in South Carolina, and as peaceful as things have proven to be here. I miss you dearly and eagerly await your return.

Yours, A. Hamilton

I frowned. I didn't like how much time he was spending with Eliza. What Alex says is true, she really is a wonderful girl, very kind and smart, but I would much rather have Alex all to myself.

I opened his next letter and began reading.

Dear John Laurens,

I am very pleased to hear that everything is going good for you and your family. I do hope that your father is recovering from his illness, I would really appreciate it if you could tell him that I wish for his full recovery. I still miss you, and I cannot go a day without dreaming about your freckled face and wondering when I might see you again. Eliza is in the next room over as I write this, her and I have gotten exceedingly closer over the amount of time you've been absent. Please write back as soon as the time is appropriate for you.

Yours, A. Hamilton

I was losing him. By the time I get back, Alexander may not even have any time for me. He'll be spending it all with Eliza. I was starting to like her less and less with every passing second.

I started writing my latest letter to Alexander, telling him about how my father was doing, and how I've been spending time with friends of my own. I have two very close friends here in Charleston, their names are Jared and Evan. Two of the kindest people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.

As soon as I had signed my name at the bottom of the page, I took the letter downstairs and left it to be picked up later. Then I walked back upstairs and collapsed on my bed, thinking of Alex as I fell asleep.


	12. Wedding Bells

Alex's POV

Today is the day. Today is the day I propose to Eliza. I was originally going to wait on John to get back, I was going to ask for his help, but I just couldn't wait any longer.

My plan went like this:

I was going to visit her house and knock on the door. When she answers, I'll hide and place the ring box and some flowers on the doorstep. Along with a note I wrote asking her to marry me. Nothing can go wrong.

I stood on her doorstep and took a long deep breath before carefully setting down the items, and knocking loudly on the door. Just as I heard footsteps approaching from inside the house, I lept to the side and into the bushes.

I could feel leaves gathering in my hair, but at this point I could care less. I was more worried about what Eliza was going to say.

I heard her gasp as she most likely was reading the note, and the snap of the ring box opening. I then heard her mumble, " Of course I'll marry you, Alexander."

It was at that point when I jumped out of the bushes, frightening poor Eliza. I scooped her into a tight hug as I whispered into her ear, " When do you want the wedding to be?"

**********************

Only one week later and wedding bells were ringing for me and soon to be Eliza Hamilton. I was practically shaking with both fear and excitement. I wasn't necessarily worried about the wedding, just about how things would be afterwards.

I am basically broke and I know that Eliza comes from a very wealthy family. And I don't want to disappoint her. I was also a little sad because Laurens wouldn't be here to see me get married. Actually, he had no idea.

I heard the music beginning to play as I saw Eliza walking down the aisle towards me. I grinned at her and saw her smile back happily.

Before I knew it, we had said our vows and I was told to kiss the bride. As I leaned in to kiss my wife, something didn't quite feel right. However, I simply brushed it off and pressed my lips to hers passionately.


	13. I Thought You Were Mine

John's POV

I breathed a breath of relief as I stepped off of the train that had brought me back to New York. It feels as if it had been forever since I had last seen this familiar train station.

As I walked, there was one thought persistently forcing itself into my head. I simply cannot wait to see Alexander again. It only took me about five minutes to arrive at his house, and I quickly knocked on the door, in a rush to see him.

When the door did open, however, instead of Alex like I had expected, I found myself face to face with none other than Eliza.

" Eliza Schuyler? What are you doing here?" I asked, feeling utterly confused.

She started giggling and said, " It's Eliza Hamilton now." Then she held out her hand where the ring sat there, shimmering in the bright sunlight. I gasped and shoved my way past her, trying to find Alexander.

I finally found him sitting at his desk, scribbling away in his notebook. I stormed right up to him and yelled, " You got married and didn't even think to tell me!"

Alex spun around at the sound of my voice and stared at me in shock. I huffed angrily and crossed my arms. So many thoughts were flying through my head right now.

" It all happened so quickly!" Alex exclaimed. I sighed. I should be happy for him, I mean, my best friend just got married!

But I'm not happy. I'm the opposite. I feel as if any minute now I could just collapse and start sobbing uncontrollably. But I couldn't do that. I had to act happy for Alexander.

I forced a fake smile onto my face as I said, " If you of all people can get married, maybe there's still hope for my ass after all!"

Alex laughed and stood up to hug me. I hugged him back as tightly as I could. I missed this man so much while I was gone. It felt magical to finally be in his arms again.

Not long after that I excused myself and went home. As soon as I slammed the door behind me, I ran upstairs and crawled into bed, crying. Alex was married. He would never be mine, and I would never be his.


	14. Stay Alive

Alex's POV

I think John might still be a bit mad about what happened. It was understandable of course. I mean, I went and got married to one of John's best friends without even telling him.

I was thinking about the happenings of yesterday when suddenly someone started banging on the front door. I sat up from my seat on the couch and walked over to the door, opening it to reveal an older man standing on my doorstep.

I raised an eyebrow suspiciously, but before I could say anything, the man started talking a million words per minute.

" There is a battle happening in Yorktown and they need reinforcements!"

Those were about the only words I could even make out. It took me a few seconds to really register what he had said.

" Wait, a battle in Yorktown?" I asked, feeling panicky. He nodded and replied, " They're saying that this could be the final battle of the war, the one that could make us or break us.

I nodded. " So I better get down there," I said to him. The man nodded. And that was all I needed to hear.

*********************************

As I raced towards Yorktown on my horse, my thoughts were everywhere. Will I be too late? What if we lose? Everything would have been for nothing. Within an hour, I had reached Yorktown, and it looked as if all hell had broken loose.

Bodies, blood, and destruction littered my sight. I sighed as I grabbed my gun and ran forward in search of someone I know. It wasn't long before the enemy realized I was here. I could just imagine what was going through their minds.

Most of them were probably thinking something along the lines of: If this guy just got here, other reinforcements must be on their way.

I rushed forward and began firing off shots with my gun. Two British soldiers fell to their knees in front of me. I only smirked and turned my back on them. Just as I was making my way farther into the battlefield, I heard someone scream my name.

I felt all the blood drain from my face as I recognized the voice.

Laurens.

I turned on my heel, almost slipping, and ran towards the direction the scream had come from.

" John!" I yelled. " John!"

" Alex, over here," a small voice said from almost directly under me. My head snapped down to see John laying there, a gunshot wound in his upper thigh. I gasped and bent down to help him.

I wasn't about to waste time talking, so I just grabbed his arm, put it over my shoulders, and helped him up. Together, we hobbled over to a tree, a little ways away from the fighting. I propped him up against the tree and kneeled down in front of him.

"Laurens," I whispered, running my fingers through his soft hair. John gave me a weak smile.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. See?" John told me, as he attempted to stand up. Suddenly his eyes rolled back into his head, and he fell back to the ground, whimpering in pain. I felt my heartbreak a little, watching him suffer.

So I made a quick decision and picked him up bridal style. I'm not letting my Laurens die.

I carried him back to my horse, as John stared up at me, looking dazed. I saw a tear slide down his face, and just seeing that one tear made me feel like crying. I wanted to hold him and reassure him that everything would be okay.

But I couldn't do that. Right now, the only thing I can do is get John on my horse and take him somewhere he can get the medical attention he needs.

I placed him on my horse in front of me, put one hand around his waist, and together we started to ride home.

I placed my chin on his head and played with his hair.

Come on Laurens, you gotta stay alive for me.


	15. You'll Never Lose Me

John's POV

As I slowly felt myself regaining consciousness, I could just make out the voices in the room around me. I didn't feel like opening my eyes yet, but even without being able to see, I could tell that the person in the room was Alex and he was talking to someone who I didn't recognize.

" But he will be okay, right?!" Alex practically screeched. I heard a lady's voice telling him to shush.

I decided that this would probably be a good time to open my eyes and say something.

" Alex," I croaked. His head snapped up and Alexander stared at me from across the room, where he was standing next to someone who looked kind of like a nurse.

A huge relieved smile spread across his beautiful face and Alex was at my side in a matter of seconds. I heard the lady leave the room and close the door, just in time for Alex to lean down and place his hand on my cheek.

He buried his face in my neck and

whispered, " Thank goodness you're okay. I thought I was going to lose you, Laurens."

I chuckled, wrapped an arm around his back and pulled him down against my chest further. Now he was almost laying on my chest and if anyone else were to see us, they would surely think what we were doing was wrong. But it felt so right.

I whispered back, " You'll never lose me, Alex."


	16. We Won!

Alex's POV

"We won!" Hercules screamed in excitement from across the bar where he was picking up our drinks. Cheers rang out across the room as people celebrated the success the war had proved to be. I was still in shock. We won. We actually fucking won.

John grabbed both of our drinks from Herc and turned to hand mine over to me. When he turned, for a split second we made eye contact. Have his eyes always been that sparkly? He flashed me a quick smile before standing up. Or trying to.

Immediately after he stands up, John has to grab onto the table for support. I guess his leg isn't fully healed yet. I stand up to help him, then wrap my arm around his shoulders so he can stand, leaning on me slightly. I found myself enjoying the warmth of his body against mine, so I leaned back against him. I felt John's eyes on me, and not knowing what to do, I looked back up at him.

We stayed like that, staring into each other's eyes for a full minute before Herc cleared his throat. Oh right, we aren't alone. I chuckled nervously and put a bit more space between John and me.

" Raise a glass to freedom!" John exclaimed. The three of us raised our beers high, and I couldn't help but feel a little sad. Lafayette had to journey back to France as soon as the war was over. I didn't know when the next time I would get to see him was going to be. A while, most likely.

Herc hopped on the table and started to sing, while Laurens and I stayed on the ground, arms around each other, swaying in a drunken dance. However, instead of just being able to enjoy the celebration, I kept finding myself watching John. The way he danced, the way he moved, it was... mesmerizing.

When I saw that he had finished his drink, I quickly jumped in and said, " Laurens, let me get the next one!"

He nodded and grinned at me; I started to giggle uncontrollably. We are so freaking drunk. When I returned, John was passed out on the ground and Hercules was tumbling around, saying nonsense words no one else could understand.

I gave the drinks over to a couple sitting a few tables away, and slowly picked up John bridal style, and started to carry him home, leaving Herc waving at our backs.


	17. A Drunken Kiss

John's POV

As Alex carried me through the streets and the occasional dark suspicious alleyway, I could feel myself slowly slipping in and out of consciousness. I started giggling and whispering words even I couldn't make out into his ear.

I could hear Alexander laughing from above me as we approached my neighborhood. By the time that we were about halfway to my house, I was sobering up enough to realize that Alex was carrying me bridal style.

I started to blush and carefully reached a hand up to play around with my hair. I didn't want Alex to know I was fully awake for the fear that he might put me down. I really enjoyed the feeling of him holding me.

Sadly, it wasn't long before we stopped in front of my house, and Alexander gently set me on my feet.

" You can make it from here, right?" He asked me. I nodded but then stopped myself and whispered, " Maybe you would just walk me to the door?"

Alexander nodded and together we started to walk towards the door. After only a few seconds of walking, I tripped over my own feet and Alex had to grab my arm to keep me steady.

However, he didn't let go of me even when I regained my balance. When we reached the doorstep, I leaned back against the doorway, staring at Alex.

Alex stared straight back at me. It looked as if he may have been blushing, but there was no way to be sure in darkness.

" Well, I should probably be going now," Alex muttered. I nodded before stepping forward and wrapping my arms around him, burying my face in his neck.

After about a minute I stepped back and looked up at him. His hand found its way to my cheek, and I felt myself leaning against it.

Before I could even say anything, Alex began to move his face towards mine, and suddenly, our lips were touching.

I didn't even have time to register what was happening, all I knew was that I loved it. And damn, Alex is a great kisser.

I pressed myself closer up against him and felt him trying to do the same. Alex pushed me up against the door and kept kissing me while placing his hand on my waist.

Just then, a look of complete and utter fear filled his eyes, and he turned around before taking off running. Leaving me standing on my doorstep wondering what the hell just happened.


	18. My Heart Went BOOM

Alex's POV

I sat at my desk, my head in my hands, just thinking. Eliza was sleeping in our bedroom down the hall, unaware that her husband was just a few steps away, contemplating all of his life choices. I just made one of the biggest, no, the worst mistake of my entire life.

I could still remember the warm feeling of his lips on mine. And worst of all, I missed it. I enjoyed kissing my best friend, the man I had known for so long, and I would gladly kiss him again. But what about Eliza?

She's my smart, beautiful, caring wife who loves me.

And I love her.

Or do I?

I think I do.

What are these feelings I have towards John? I get the same feeling from just being around him, hearing his name, as I used to get from Eliza. But ever since I got home, I haven't felt that way about her once.

My face hasn't turned red, my heart hasn't skipped a beat from hearing her voice like it usually does. I loved Eliza, and I feel the same about Laurens as I used to about Eliza. Does that mean I love him?

Oh shit.

I think I love John Laurens.


	19. Take a Break

Alex's POV

" Alexander?"

I was awoken from my dreams by the sound of my wife quietly calling my name. I raised an eyebrow questioningly. Eliza was standing in the doorway to our bedroom, her hands fidgeting nervously.

"Yes, Eliza?" I asked kindly. She sauntered across the room and took a seat next to me on our bed.

" Alexander, my sister, and I have been talking, and she suggested a brief vacation for the three of us." I sat up straighter.

" When is Angelica arriving?"

" Noon," she told me, a large smile on her face. Damn, Eliza hasn't looked this excited for months, she must be really looking forward to this.

I smiled halfheartedly. Of course, I was happy Angelica was coming, I just wasn't really in the right headspace for this kind of stuff right now.

As I stood up to get dressed I asked

her, " What time is it now?"

Eliza looked out the window before answering, " Around noon, she'll be here any moment now!" Coincidentally, just then there was a knock at the door.

Eliza leaped up, beaming, and ran to open the door. Before I knew it, Angelica was standing in our living room, the two sisters having a happy reunion.

As I watched them laugh and hug, I couldn't help but smile too. Then, Angelica noticed me. She immediately wrapped me in a tight hug, tears streaming down her face.

" I'm sorry for being so emotional, I'm just so happy to see you both again," she exclaimed as she dried her tears. Eliza nodded.

When everyone finally calmed down, Angelica and Eliza asked almost simultaneously, " You will be joining us right?"

I rubbed the back of my neck anxiously. " I would, I'm just so busy and have so much unfinished business to attend to," I mumbled quietly.

Their faces fell. " Alex, you have to learn to take a break sometimes," Angelica told me. I shrugged.

" I just can't go ladies, I really wish I could join you, don't get me wrong. I simply don't have the time right now," I argued. Eliza's shoulders slumped in disappointment and I almost reconsidered right then and there.

But what I said, that wasn't bullshit. I have too much work to do to be lying around all day on vacation. I gave them a sympathetic grimace.

" I understand," Angelica sighed. I nodded, hugged them both, then helped both sisters carry their things outside to where someone was waiting to take them to their destination.

As soon as the Schyluers were gone, I leaned back at my desk and thought to myself, " Finally. I'm alone."


	20. I Think I Love You

John's POV

As I made my way through the busy streets of New York City, I was starting to wonder if I was doing the right thing. I felt like Alex and I needed to talk, but what would I say? He kissed me and I loved it. But surely I can't say that, he'll think I'm crazy.

But it was already too late, as I was currently standing in front of his house, ready to knock. Suddenly, the door swung open and there stood Alexander. He looked just as surprised to see me as I was him.

"John? What are you doing here?" he asked nervously.

" I thought we needed to talk," I answered slowly. What if he didn't want to talk? What if the kiss didn't even mean anything to him? Alex nodded and held the door open for me to come inside.

After we were both seated, Alex took charge of the conversation by starting with, " This is about the kiss, isn't it?" I sighed.

" Yes."

I took a deep breath and was about to open my mouth when Alex closed his eyes and blurted out, " I'm so sorry, I didn't even mean to kiss you, and I really liked it even though I know I shouldn't have. Please don't hate me?"

My eyes widened about to the size of two golf balls as I stared open-mouthed at my best friend. " You l-liked it?"

Alex's eyes began to water and he sniffled once or twice, then turned his head so I wouldn't be able to see him cry. I felt my heart skip a beat. He liked the kiss. So I did the only thing I could do. 

I grabbed his face and pulled him around to face me. " I loved the kiss too," I whispered as I gazed into his shimmering eyes. Then I leaned forward and kissed him.

Alex immediately leaned into the kiss and wrapped his arms around me. We fell back further onto the couch as we held each other. After about a minute or two, he let go and simply looked down at me from his spot above me.

" I don't know what this feeling I have for you is, but it's one I've never had for anyone else before," I muttered truthfully. Alex smiled happily down at me.

" I think I love you, Alexander."

" I think I love you too, Laurens."


	21. I Don't Know What to Do

Alex's POV

John ended up staying the night, and we... did some things. When I woke up the next morning, I was holding John in my arms. I smiled softly down at him, then leaned down to gently press a kiss to his forehead. He looked so cute when he was asleep.

At my touch, his eyes slowly flickered open, looking up at me. John sat up and leaned into me, I wrapped my arms around him and we just sat there, him in my arms.

" Laurens?"

He glanced up at me with a loving look in his eyes. " Yes?"

I stumbled over my words a bit as I said, "Eliza is getting home today, so as much as I wish you could stay..."

John nodded as he understood what I was meaning, but he looked a bit disappointed. I couldn't pretend I wasn't either. I would much rather just be alone with my John Laurens all day.

We both got out of bed and got dressed as quickly as possible. The last thing I needed was for Eliza to just walk in on my best friend and I naked. That could raise some questions.

"Thank you so much for last night," I told John as we said our goodbyes near the door. He blushed and gave me a quick hug before leaving, pulling the door closed behind him. As soon as he was gone, I leaned against the door and slid down to my knees.

I am so lost. I'm in love with my best friend and he loves me back. But I have a wife. Speaking of Eliza, she should be home any second now. Should I leave Eliza to be with John? How would that even work, though?

I can't be with John publicly, we'd be killed and I could never let Laurens get hurt because of me. And I can't simply abandon Eliza. She's too kind and selfless, it would break her heart. I don't want to do that.

Everything about my life right now just makes me want to die, or at least go into a deep coma.

I just don't know what to do.


	22. Pretending

John's POV

"John, wake your lazy ass up!" Herc screamed from outside my window.

I jolted awake and quickly leaped out of bed. Wait, what happened? Who screamed?

" Open that door!" Came from outside my window again. Oh. It was Hercules and Lafayette. I sighed as I made my way to the door to let them in. "Finally," Laf complained when I let them in.

I rolled my eyes at their impatience. "Anyways, are you ready to go?" Hercules asked. I looked up.

"What do you mean?"

"We talked about it last week. The three of us are going drinking with Alexander."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

I told them I needed to go get changed and I would meet them there. After Herc and Laf left, I ran to my room and quickly pulled on some comfortable, but nice clothes.

I thought about combing my hair, but I didn't for the fear it might make me late. It's kind of embarrassing how much time I put into my hair some days.

A few minutes later I left, running a hand through my hair every few seconds. I would hate to look like I just woke up, even though that was the truth. When I arrived at the bar, I could hear yelling coming from inside. The blood drained from my face as I rushed for the door; wondering what was going on.

Two men were sitting in the back of the bar, looking as if they were about to get into a fight.

"Go fuck yourself, Michael!" One of them yelled, before standing up and storming out of the building. I just shook my head and turned to where my friends were sitting.

Laf looked a bit disappointed, as if he was hoping they would start throwing punches. " Oh hey, Laurens," Alex said, just noticing my presence. He then patted the empty seat next to him.

Aww, he saved me a seat!

"Hello, Alexander," I said as I sat down next to him.

Lafayette began to tell some lengthy story about this man who he saw yelling at his wife on the way here. But the only thing I could focus on was the man sitting on the bench next to me. I wanted to hold his hand, but I didn't dare risk it.

Alex turned his head to smile at me, and I felt my face heat up. As we sipped our beers, I could feel Alex's eyes watching me, and I wasn't sure how to feel. I guess I like that he's looking at me, but will anyone notice?

I'm probably just being overdramatic. Nobody cares if he's staring at me.

I placed my head in my hand as I tried to pay attention to what Laf was saying. This was going to be hard.


	23. I Love You

Alex's POV

It was beginning to get dark outside, and people were slowly gathering their things and leaving the bar.

" I guess I need to be going," I stated as I picked out my coat and slung it over my shoulder. Hercules nodded.

" I think Laf and I are going to stay here for a while longer," he said.

" I'll come with you," John spoke up.

So together the two of us the left the bar, and started walking towards his house.

" I guess I'm walking you home," I said nervously. John blushed.

"That's very kind of you," he whispered. I almost giggled. He's just too cute.

Suddenly I remembered something I had been meaning to talk to him about.

"Laurens," I said, grabbing onto his arm. He turned to stare at me.

"I don't think we can ever be together. People just wouldn't accept it. Maybe some of them would, but..."

I looked at him helplessly.

" You know I love you, right?" I asked sadly. John nodded, tears filling his eyes. But before any of them could slip out, he blinked them away.

" And I love you too," he told me.

By then we had reached his street ,and we were approaching his house. When we got to his door, I grabbed both his hands and whispered, " I don't know what is going to happen to us, but I just want you to know that I love you and only you."

John nodded and quickly kissed my cheek next to my mouth, before running inside.

As I walked back home, all I could think about was how much I loved John Laurens.


	24. Jefferson or Burr?

Alex's POV

I crossed my legs as I leaned back against my seat, trying to stay awake. I had gotten little sleep last night, and now I had to sit through Thomas Jefferson's speech about why I should vote for him over Aaron Burr.

"So choose me, and together we shall bring America to greatness!"

I rolled my eyes. It was still better than Burr's speech though. When Thomas finally sat back down, I got up to leave, only to feel a hand grab the back of my elbow.

"Wait a second, Alexander."

I slowly spun around, trying to act as polite as possible. " Yes Jefferson?" I asked sweetly. He looked a bit nervous.

" Can we walk?" He muttered under his breath. Haha this is funny. Thomas is afraid to be seen with me.

I raised an eyebrow, then nodded. Together we left the building and entered out into the street.

"You're walking me home," I stated. Thomas looked as if he wanted to argue, but just thought better of it and stayed silent.

As we walked, Thomas began to talk.

"So as you know, I need your vote." I nodded. Yes, I did know that.

"If you favor me over Burr, we can both work together to build a country the world can be proud of."

I honestly didn't really care much for what Jefferson had to say, but there was one question I had to ask myself.

Who would I rather choose, Jefferson or Burr?

We stopped in front of my house and I immediately began to walk away towards the door.

I heard Thomas call from behind me, " So do you pick me?"

I rolled my eyes once again before spinning around and yelling, " Yes, now go away!"

Then I opened the front door, stepped inside my house, and slammed it shut, leaving Thomas standing in the road.


	25. For the Last Time

Aaron Burr's POV

My hands clenched into fists as I thought about everything that had gone down the day before. That asshole Alexander Hamilton would rather have that idiot Jefferson be president than I.

I wonder has to be going through a person's head to make them think like that. I am clearly the better choice, Thomas will lead this country to destruction, I have no doubt. And it will be all Alexander's fault.

That man continues to infuriate me beyond what should be humanly possible. I wish... I just wish there was some way I could just get rid of him. Imagine never having to look into Hamilton's fiery eyes again.

If only.

I wonder if he hates me just as much as I do him. No, that's impossible.

You know what, that's it.

I'm done. I'm done with waking up every morning and the only thing I could think about being

"What's going to happen with Alexander today?"

I'm tired of having to worry about his every move, thinking about him every waking moment. I stood up from my desk and made a decision.

I'm not going to do this anymore. I'll march right over to his house and put a stop to this madness.

I am done with Alexander Hamilton.


	26. You're On

Alex's POV

"Hamilton, open this goddamn door this instant!"

My eyes fluttered open just as someone yelled my name. I raised an eyebrow.

Now, who could that POSSIBLY be?

I was being sarcastic if you couldn't tell.

I dragged myself out of bed and ran a hand through my hair before answering the door.

"Aaron Burr, sir?"

"Alexander. We need to talk."

I examined his face. Burr's eyes were bloodshot, and there were dark bags under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept a wink all night.

I nodded and led him inside. He sat down on the couch, and I sat facing him.

"So what did you need to talk to me about, sir?" I asked. I'm not stupid, I know exactly what he's here for. I just want to hear him say it.

"Why would you endorse Jefferson? I know you hate him." Aaron said. I almost felt bad for him.

Almost.

He just looked so confused, it was a little funny.

"Well," I started crossing my legs. "Jefferson may be a stubborn, self-obsessed jerk, but at least he has beliefs."

I chuckled. "It's not my fault no one trusts you," I told him.

Aaron's face turned red. He was fuming.

"That's it, Alexander." he muttered, looking me in the eyes.

"I challenge you to a duel. Tomorrow. At dawn."

"You're on."


	27. Promise Me

John's POV

I was sitting with my back against the enormous oak tree in my backyard, when I heard someone calling my name.

"Laurens!"

I sat up and grinned. Finally, Alex was here.

He ran up and hugged me immediately.

"Woah woah," I laughed. "What's the hurry?"

Alexander's face fell. "I um, have something to tell you." I felt the blood drain from my face.

What if he says that he regrets ever kissing me and we should just go back to being friends? Or if he was just faking all along and turned me into the government?

I started to breathe faster, and everything started to get a bit dizzy. Alex noticed and quickly grabbed my waist, then pulled me down to sit on the ground with him.

"Hey, hey. Don't worry, it's nothing bad."

I visibly relaxed and let out a breath I hadn't even realised I had been holding.

"Okay. So what is it?"

"I'm dueling with Burr tomorrow."

I gasped and jumped up, pushing Alex away.

"What the hell?" I yelled. "Why would you agree to that?"

Alexander lowered his head, and I immediately felt bad for yelling at him.

I sat back down and rubbed his back gently. "I'm sorry for yelling," I whispered in his ear.

Alexander nodded and looked up at me. 

"Don't worry, Laurens. I've done hundreds of more dangerous things in my life. I'll be fine."

I thought about it for a minute. Alex had been through the death of his mother, a hurricane had literally destroyed his home, and he had fought an entire war. And Alexander was still alive.

"Are you sure?" I asked nervously.

Alex smiled and gave me a quick nod.

I grabbed his shoulder and pulled our foreheads together.

"Alexander Hamilton, do you promise me you'll be okay?"

He grabbed both of my hands and rubbed them.

"I promise that I will stay alive for you, my dearest Laurens," he whispered.

I smiled, feeling relieved. "Good. I couldn't bear to lose you, Alex. You're the love of my life."

"And you're mine," he told me. We both started blushing.

Alexander stood up and looked back down at me. "I'm truly sorry, John. But I have to get a full night's sleep so I can do my best tomorrow."

I nodded, then stood up to hug him.

He buried his face in my neck and I kissed the side of his face carefully.

"I love you, John Laurens."

"I love you, Alexander Hamilton."

We kissed, and then I stepped back.

As Alex walked towards the street, I called from the doorstep, " I'll see you tomorrow, Alex!"

He turned to wave and blow me a kiss.

"See you tomorrow, John!

When I got back inside, I went straight to my bed and sat down. I was terribly worried for Alex, but I'm sure he'll be okay.

He is Alexander Hamilton, after all.

I smiled as I laid down and pictured his face in my head. My last thought before I fell asleep was: I can't wait to see Alex tomorrow.


End file.
